the peanut gallery..

It's pretty distracting if the current lead actor of your current thoughts kept on popping up in places near you. I'm not saying that he's stalking me or anything, but well, he is my classmate so he's bound to be around most of the time. And he's probably got poor vision because occasionally, I spot him looking over my direction. Hey I didn't say at me okay. I'm not that presumptive. Haha.

 

He's not even that very good looking. In fact, the only things that make him stand out is that he's wickedly smart. He's smarter than I am definitely. And well, he's pretty quiet. So you wouldn't even know that he's there if you weren't looking. Not that I'm looking around for him constantly you know.

 

And his skin. Gawd. He's got like milky white soft satiny skin that's like so unfair. Yes, he's got better skin than half the girls I know. So unfair. Blah..

 

Which is why in the deepest corners of my mind, he has been dubbed the pastillas king. Well, if you can come up with a better nickname that's not my problem. And no, it has nothing to do with the fact that I like sweets. But there was this one weird daydream during embryology that I though what it would be like if I licked him in the neck.

 

3 seconds later I realize that I'm being crazy and I should fucking listen to the lecture. But really, he shouldn't tilt his head that much. And he should turn his collar up. He's practically baiting me for Pete's sake. Pardon the pun.

 

No I am not crushing on him. That is so juvenile. It's just a morbid fascination. Like seeing something that you know you really don't want but you still look at it, thinking about what makes it tick.

 

It makes me wonder sometimes what it would be like to break him. I'm not exactly the paragon of virtue and he looks so innocent. So breakable. Sometimes I wonder. Well, maybe often but that's not the point.

 

I wonder how he's going to react when I go she-devil mode on him. Not that I'd ever do that too. That is so morally wrong. Not only am I not romantically interested, but the end point of my so called interest would be how much can I corrupt him. And I get bored easily too. I just can't toss him to the curb when my curiosity is satisfied. I may be evil but not that much kiddos.

 

I guess I should be thankful that he doesn't show up in the drinking sessions I attend semi-regularly. Who knows what I'd do to him. Come to think of it, I think he doesn't drink at all. Or smoke. I don't think he curses either. Shit. I am so wrong for this guy.

 

But if he doesn't stop bending over and showing his neck, I cannot be held responsible for my future actions, no matter how stupid they may be. Are you going to blame a tigress for jumping a deer? Again, pun not intended. There will be no body part jumping here my amigas. There better not be.

 

After all, I'm pretty fine with observing. (I sound like an effing stalker)

 

And it's just a morbid fascination. Right?

 

I choked horribly when a well meaning aunt had asked me this deceptively innocent question.

It was okay. I survived. I knew she wanted to press the issue but dropped it anyway and moved on to another safer topic.

Basically I survived it, if I were to sum up the whole thing in a couple of words.

If given the liberty of retelling the experience in A LOT of words, this is what I would have said (ranted about..)

Mahirap. It's not just a burden on the brain, given the voluminous pages of handouts, kilometric jargon of our textbooks, but a burden on the back- try carrying your atlas, your physio book, your anatomy book in a single day as well as your parents pockets(though to be politically correct, I'd say that it makes the pockets lighter, haha).

And it's not just your limbic system working here, it doesn't rely completely on memory. Your Broca's area (pars opercularis/triangularis/Broadmann's Area 44-45) works almost as hard. Hindi ka makakaligtas ng first year na wala kang sasabihin/macocontribute sa sangkaterbang SGD, case discussions, SCOFYL and the like. Kaya kung ayaw mong nagsasalita at may balak kang magmed, pwes iwan mo sa bahay ang hiya. It will not do you any favors.

Nakakafrustrate. Biruin mo, magaaral ka in advance, mapupuyat ka tapos come exam time and una mong maiisip ay, "omg. ano to?!" (applies mostly to biochem and physio pag long exams) O di kaya naman, paghihirapan mong magaral for the prax/exam tapos may leakage pala. ampf diba. no offense sa mga nakinabang.

Para kang nagasawa. Minsan mahal mo, minsan gusto mong hiwalayan. Believe it or not, may pagkakataon, noong malapit ng matapos yung first semester that I wondered if I should just give it up. Granted I'm not failing anything, pero naisip ko na do I want to do this for the next three years? Or the rest of my life kung realistic ako. So I used the break to think about it.

I enrolled again. Haha. For better or for worse nga eh.

On the flip side, it was rewarding din.  (Hindi naman para masabing may saving grace,haha)

I made a lot of new friends, hindi lang sa subsection, the whole section at kung sinu-sino pa sa ibayong sec, hindi na ko magbabanggit baka may makalimutan ako, mabawasan pa, haha.
And enemies. No further comment. Haha.

Uminom ako ng school night (yes, totoo to magtanong pa kayo, haha)

Nakapagbar na ko ng may pasok kinabukasan (oo na, clin ep class yun pero class pa din!)

I've watched more movies than my first 3 years in Nursing combined. (hindi dahil lighter ang load kundi ayaw papigil ng mga kasama)

Academically, in the sense na you learned a lot of new (and sometimes really cool) stuff. Na sana hindi ko makalimutan sa bakasyon. And that some professors recognize the effort that you put into their respective subjects (and treat you like a person while they're at it).
 
Mahirap, nakakapagod, magastos pero masaya.

SHAMELESS PLUGS:

RAYDON!! Happy Graduation!! Hugs!! Mommy is so proud!:)

Also, Physio grades are up. Yun pa lang. Wala pang remedial list.

Marahil isa na sa mga katangi-tangi kong paraan para makapag unat, at makapagehersisyo ay ang tumakbo.

Nakakapagod, pero may kalayaan akong nararamdaman sa tuwing nararamdaman kong gumagalaw ang buo kong katawan paharap, lampas sa iba't ibang bagay na nakapalibot sa akin. Na para bang ako lamang ang gumagalaw, ako lang ang may buhay at ang lahat ay nagmimistulang mga istatwa.

Para bang naiiwan ko ang lahat ng aking mga dinaramdam at mga iniisip. Na ang daan lamang na aking tinatahak ang may halaga. Na maiiwan ko lahat ng nasa likuran ko, mapa-saloobin, tao o sitwasyon.

Hindi rin ako tumatalikod oras na magsimula ng lumapag ang aking talampakan sa lupa, tanging sa harap lamang nananatili ang aking paningin.


Minsan ng may nagtanong sakin kung bakit sa dinami-dami naman ng paraan para magpalipas ng oras, o di kaya'y magpawala ng stress ay tumatakbo ako. Masaya, nasagot kong minsan.

Dahil ba sa runner's high na dulot ng biglaang paggawa ng katawan ng endorphins? O di kaya'y dahil sa alam mong likod mo ang tinitignan, at ikaw ang nangiiwan.

Natahimik ako, at sinadya kong ituloy ang paglakad, hanggang sa alam kong hindi muna matutuloy ang usapang iyo.

Totoo. Ayokong nakakakita ng mga likuran. Ayokong naiiwan kahit na hindi ko inaamin. Ayokong sa akin nagpapaalam. Ayokong ako ang nagmamasid hanggang mawala na sa aking paningin ang tao o bagay na minamatyagan ko.

Kaya siguro, mas pipiliin ko pang ako na ang maunang lumisan, palayo, na para bang walang halaga sa akin kung ano man ang mangyari. Isang paraan para masiguro kong likuran ko ang nakikita, at ako ang naunang lumayo at humiwalay. Ang nangiwan, ang mas malaya, ang nanalo.

Ngunit, sa kaloob-looban ko'y nauunawaan kong pareho lamang silang talunan. Ang tumakbo, ang naiwan at kung ano man ang namagitan sa kanila.

/rys, 2'2009

Things that have been dubbed “guides for feasible courses of action in the for(far)seeable future.

   1. Coke is not a food group. (and so are other carbonated beverages)
   2. A bag of popcorn is not an acceptable breakfast.
   3. Studying for an exam that will be given/executed within 24 hours is cramming.
   4. Friends are not date material.
   5. And so are your brother’s friends.
   6. And so is your nemesis’ ex.
   7. Bastard challenged you. Hell hath no fury like a goddess scorned.
   8. Water was made to be drunk, not just to be given to poor dehydrated plants.
   9. Vegetables are made to be eaten. Nevermind the fact that they were once planted on the soil which is dirty, made even worse by the fact that kangkong absorbs a lot of mercury present in water.
  10.  Weekly exercise means 3 times a week, not a week in a month. Or a year.
  11. Lap dancing should be banned.
  12. Dragging friends home when you are drunk and being whiny while you’re at it is not cute.
  13. Biochemistry lectures were made by a higher being for you to understand concepts that will help your practice, not to have picnics, paperball fights or plain tattooing sessions of your seatmate.
  14. Same applies to physiology lab conferences.
  15. Must not bite professor. Must not bite. Unsanitary.
  16. If the sparkle, carat and cost of bling blings is directly proportional to your annual income and professional fee five years from now, then OB it is.
  17. A three hour break in the middle of a study session which totals 2 hours (not subtracting the time spent looking for materials and petit mal episodes) is unacceptable.
  18. And so is getting drunk during weekdays.
  19. Must buy yellow pad paper.
  20. Reviewing must not be interspersed with internet sessions to check mail, friendster, multiply, fanfiction updates, manga updates and new torrents. And vice versa.
  21. studying=eye bags, eye bags=plain ugly, therefore: eye cream.
  22. fictional character>existing guy with potential is depressing. (go out more or go gay or read less)
  23. remember where you placed stuff. You cannot miscall everything to make them vibrate whenever you look for them.
  24. finish stories you started (within this lifetime)
  25. Chocolate have flavonoids, antioxidants, therefore good for the skin, but you have no excuse to consume half a pack of kisses for that. (or the whole big Cadbury bar or the pack of lindt truffles at that)

 

Frankly speaking, whoever said that women were hard to understand probably never met another man(because only a human being with a Y chromosome could possibly come up with this tomfoolery) in his life or was a darn bigot.

Men are harder to understand. Because I can actually understand women as sly as they may be, as flowery/plentiful/twisted as their words may come out, as underhanded/shady their motives are, but men? Men are downright weird. And confusing. And plain frustrating.

And I am not talking about vocabs and choice of words here. (At least for the most part) Men, when it comes to motives are as easy to read as your favorite physician's handwriting.

So when they do one thing, what you think it implies may be actually a whole new galaxy than what they wanted to get across. (If they actually wanted to from the beginning.)

If you don't want us to like you, or even think about liking you, then please, for the love of all that is holy and bright, don't do stuff that would make us blush, swoon and then drop off the face of the planet (figuratively or literally) or turn suddenly article circle cold. Because like how women (most of them) are not hard wired to read maps or street signs, we won't know what the hell you want (or DON'T WANT) from us if you don't say anything.

And if we girls wanted palitao, we know where to buy them.

But don't be a complete jackass either. This is the part where you use the thing between your ears to gauge whether or not you could be gravely misunderstood and then act accordingly.


Ahem.

P.S.

Wala itong pinaghugutan. Passing along a message lang. Haha.

First ten of a thousand (not so random) thoughts..

Warning: Pronouns abound.. You may be one of the people whom I thought of recently and alluded to.

1. CLEANERS
When asked when she fell in love with him, the first thing that comes to mind would be an empty classroom, chalk littered carpets, the sun setting down in the backdrop and a boy (once upon a time) passing by the window, halted to ask a (dumb, crazy)question (and for the next five years her heart will be his)

2. MILLIONAIRE
She’s weirded/freaked out by the fact that she woke up an hour and a half late for class, picked up by two guys from her dorm (they both cut class to do it, plus, she had a fight with one the day before), and that she slept past 50 plus missed calls and 30 plus messages. And the fact that upon her arrival (sneaking in actually), she got flooded with hypotheses as to why she came in late, ranging from the slightly off ( “you must have partied out last night”) to the downright bizarre (“they said you went out at 11 and didn’t sign in when you got back- we thought you got kidnapped”). Plus the looks of the relief that they gave her were enough to tell her that they had been really worried. (the recounts of how they made one joke after another from the plausible to the morbid, with pauses laced with worry)- made her think that she hit the jackpot (when it came to friends at least)

3. ROAD FORKS
Frankly speaking, it doesn’t take a lot to scare her. Going home at 10 in the evening normally wouldn’t, but walking in an abandoned road, with no one in sight, just foliage and dust and an abandoned construction site was enough to scare her out of her wits. (that she wanted to sit down and cry) Granted it was her fault that she got left behind but she couldn’t help but pity herself. (And want someone to blame it on while she’s at it). And so she walks, amidst the darkness and prays that she get doesn’t jumped on that night. An hour later, she sees a road sign that finally screams civilization. (And a realization that maybe, the world was not as kind as she initially made it out to be)

4. BRAT
Looking outside the box, she thinks that he’s not doing it consciously, (or perhaps she’s looking into the matter too much) that he wants her to focus on him only, even if he was interested in another. (And that this, how he was being, could be interpreted in a multitude of ways, none of which he will like). But she shrugs, and let him do as he pleases. One of his favorite pastimes is monopoly after all.

5. ROOTS
She may have been bratty as a child, but she has always respected authority. So when one day, she was told to stay put somewhere while her mother went to look for something, she did. A huge doll (later she would learn it was called a mascot) came up to her and asked if she was lost. She ignored him (don’t talk to strangers and wait). The big thing had the gall to take her hand and tugged her to go with him and look for her mom. Her mother suddenly calls her name and she snaps to attention and the big freak finally lets go of her and walks away. She has hated (been scared of) mascots ever since.

6. CAROUSEL
In retrospect, she knew it would never work. She knew what his shortcomings were, and he knew hers. They agreed in most things primarily because she didn’t want to fight about it (and he was too much of a proud man to actually concede to anything). And that they had tried before (twice to be exact), but never worked (she carries too much memory, he says), finally the cycle has come to a stop and she doesn’t know whether to be happy or sad about it.

7. MOTIVATIONS
 They were already closing the surgical site, unfortunately, the spinal anesthesia (supposedly helping her to not feel anything ) runs out, and the doctor said that she (the patient) had to hold it out. She was trying so hard to stop the tears but she knew all the signs. So she reaches her hand to hold hers and asks her to grip it as tight as she could it so that maybe, maybe she can help lessen the pain. She leaves a few imprints on her palm (and a whole lot on her heart). Her skin is finally sutured closed and she whispers a teary, but nonetheless grateful thank you to her. (And she swore to herself, she will, infinitely be a better doctor than the one she was secretly frowning at, so no patient under her care will ever be like this.)

8.MICROSCOPE
She’s never met anyone like them. (their similarities with her were really really uncanny and disturbing). And so she wonders to what extent are they the same- do they want the same things out of life? Are they pushed to succeed as hard as she was as well? What makes them tick? So when she overhears one of them say zenbon sakura; she couldn’t help but strangely feel comforted. (they were more alike than she thought)

9.NEO RED RIDING HOOD
She almost laughs when she hears what someone she knew for 6 months had deduced- that she was sweet, bubbly, naive and harmless looking on the outside, but could easily take one on and flip one over (literally) if provoked to an extent. (What she fails to mention is that if her important people are provoked as well, she’ll bring out the hunting knives and pitchforks)

10.PINK and TANGERINE
One day, she had found out that something was really wrong with her body after a consultation- and being as imaginative as she is, she concluded it was cancer. (and spent the rest of the afternoon wallowing in misery and despair while she waited for the examination results). Then she came home, saw her sobbing and within seconds, she was by her side, trying to make out her mumbles and teary exclamations. Then another friend arrived and listened to her wailing until she fell asleep. Later on, she finds out it wasn’t and feels so stupid for crying bucketloads and making her friends and family worry. (But at least she knew they cared for her very very much, though they didn’t have to give her an earful of scolding later to show it).

The Ultimate Color Test

When you are at peace, you are: Deeply stable When you are moved to act, you are: Giving and warm When you are inspired, you are: Flexible and experimental When your life is perfectly balanced, you are: Philosophical and expressive Your life's purpose is: To change the world

1. You are, at some point in time, SLEEP DEPRIVED.
2. You, at least at some point time looked forward to the weekend so you can.. STUDY MORE.
3. You, at least at one point in time owned a HIGHLIGHTER, DERMATOGRAPH or anything of the sort that is used to point something of importance in a lecture handout/book. (which incidentally, as you will discover later on, comes out in the examination, only that you forgot what it was to begin with)
4. You have developed an uncanny aversion, at least one point in time to anything that remotely smells like MENTOS.
5. You, at one point in time desperately looked for any nutritive substance to sustain you during a four hour interspersed with a five minute break somewhere.
6. You. at one point in time, SKIPPED LUNCH to study. Maslow's hierarchy of physiologic needs is a thing of the past, buddy.
7. You, at one point in time looked at an anatomy or histology examination and hoped to God you used the right colors.
8. You, at one point in time shivered/turned pale/cyanotic during an embryology lecture.
9. You, at one point in time brought a JACKET to school even if it was 30 degrees outside since you had a lecture in the anatomy projection room or histology laboratory sometime that day.
10. You, at one point in time reviewed SAMPLEXES in lieu of your lecture. And PASSED because of it.
11. You, at one point in time changed your PREFERRED SPECIALTY because of a certain professor.
12. You at one point in time had to go to school (with law and graduate school) even when the rest of the country stayed home to sleep and avoid the raging storm outside.
13. You, at least one point in time had spoken/reported/answered a question in class.
14. You, at least some point in time disliked/downright hated clinical epidemiology.
15. You, at least some point time favored studying over a night out.
16. You, at least some point time rushed to finish a histology laboratory manual.
17. You, at least some point time were stunned/amazed/awed by a certain OB's jewelry (hint hint at least enough gold/diamonds on her person to buy in full a brand new CRV and she has NEVER REPEATED a jewelry set. ever.)
18. You, at least some point in time were allergic to metabolism.
19. You, at least some point in time thought maybe working was better.
20. You, at least some point in time, thought 10 minute breaks are teh suck.
21. You are, by nature a masochist.
22. You, at least some point in time was contacted by a fraternity/sorority to join.
23. You, at least some point time believed that you are going to flunk a test.
24. You own, or at least have looked at an atlas.
25. You, though may never admit it, downloaded an ebook. Or two. Or fifteen.
26. You believe that powepoint printouts are heaven sent.Especially in PREV MED.
27. You spend a lot of your money on handouts, photocopies. Some of them you never even read. Until examinations.
28. You get agitated when you hear the combination SHIFTING and EXAMS.
29. You, at least one point in time thought physiology experiments were fun. That is until you see your name posted in front of the lab with the words, LEAD DISCUSSANT.
30. You have a classmate raised outside of the country. (FilAm, Korean, Japanese.)
31. You have a student number in Physiology that you are not supposed to forget. Or suffer not knowing what your shifting grade is.
32. You have a lot of "laude" classmates.

Hmm... I'll think of other things pa.:)

Mood: gloomy (denial daw sabi nila)

Currently listening to: with or without you by U2

 

 

A not so recent conversation with a beloved well meaning (manic-ish nosy) cousin/friend na I remembered in light of recent events.

 

Well, apparently, I was being psychoanalyzed by my cousin, a dear friend who apparently with her degree in communication had every right to diagnose my love life (or lack of it as she kept on repeating and repeating and repeating for the nth time now).

 

I try to ignore her ramblings and focus on my lovely cup of cappuccino and slice of oreo cheesecake.

 

“Alam mo ang problema mo?”

 

I humor her and at least look at her to show that my mind (not) was still on the conversation.

 

“You’re scared. Scared to commit. Three breakups has reduced you to nothing but some scaredy little girl afraid of getting her fingers burned.”

 

“Your point?”

 

And I know I should have just agreed with her and got it over with but nooo. I had to open my mouth.

 

“Alam mo Rea” (I wince because using my name meant business and a hell of a long sermon usually)

 

“Every single time a guy is about to reach the standard that you made for him, bigla ka na lang nagdedetach. Pag naramdaman mong you are about to fall in like or love again, you get cold feet. Bigla mo na lang marerealize na he’s too short, too annoying, too loud, too quiet, at kung ano ano pa. Well guess what, the problem isn’t nasa kanila. Nasayo chi.”

 

Shet. Aray. At mukang hindi pa nasiyahan si loka. Tuloy pa rin ang litanya.

 

“Look chi. Not every guy you meet is out to hurt you or rope you into something you don’t want to do.”

 

“Hindi naman yon, ann. Wala eh. I really don’t like anyone that way. At least now. Wala talaga,.” (And I bite the inside of my cheek. Technically I’m not lying, dahil I’m not so sure anymore)

 

“Oh? Don’t tell me you’re still-”

 

She gives me the look, the I’m-trying-to-read-your-mind-to-see-if-you’re-telling-the-truth-or-not look na mukang slightly predatory from where I’m seated. Sabi na eh, dapat nag-aral na lang ako and feigned sickness. Or death.

 

“Med is killing me Ann. I don’t need another burden. Ni para sa tulog nga kulang ang oras eh, maghahanap pa ba ako ng idadagdag na iisipin”

 

“At ngayon med na ang excuse mo. Well, whatever. Just remember what I told you. Kung lagi kang layo ng layo pag tingin mo you’re going to get attached, you’ll end up alone.”

 

“I have friends at nanjan ka naman diba?”

 

She doesn’t get the joke pero she nods and goes back to eating (murdering) her Belgian waffle (mashed ala gerber).

 

I know she’s right and I’ve admitted this to a few people before. Sa totoo lang, ayokong pumasok sa isang relationship ngayon. I’ve had my fair share of heartaches and I don’t think I’m ready for the emotional rollercoaster anytime soon. So flirting is fine, pero there’s a fine line between that and well, committing.

 

I know what it means to commit and all the things that came with it, pero I just can’t seem to find any guy who at least feels as strongly about it as I do. Or maybe I don’t bother. Or maybe tama ang sinabi ng isa pang well meaning, pero ala sirang plakang friend ko din.

 

“You always end up choosing the wrong ones kasi bruha.”

 

Parang recurrent laryngeal nerve lang. It all comes back to me who’s at fault. Blah.

 

And apparently he’s right. I failed, yet again. Haha. Thank God for friends. (sabi ko nga kay albert, mangangagat na lang ako ng cabinet or something sa bahay)

 

Mukang I really end up liking (again) the not-so-good-guys.

 

Well, one thing left to do.

 

STUDY LIKE HELL

hay. Initially, I was planning on writing this entry tom, but since for once, I finally have free time (dahil 10 am pa naman ako tom) kaya eto na. Plus the fact that I *gulp* decided na medyo magbabasa ako ng todo this weekend(ignore the fact na may sabado pala akong classs 11-12. badtrip talaga!!!!!!!) - dahil reading in advance daw is the key.

first things first. the nameplate is so shiny. parang eto na yun talaga. wawa si meeko at jinggay- naging the II si jor-he instead of the III at salgadoo ang surname ni jinggaliccious.

same building pero parang ang gulo ng mga room. yan ang una kong comment. think harry potter. bigla na lang nagbabago ang mga classroom- you have to check the bulletin boards para malaman kung san ka magkaklase. at hindi ako sanay. cha-kaness.

at hindi ko kablock si carina. section C sya, D ako. may mga classmate ako na nursing din dati- mga taga sec 9 and 10. at kabatch ko si nigel and michelle fan. parang reuinion lang. hehe.

fact proven: mahal talaga ang mga libro.

medyo grabe ang adjustment- sobrang fast paced ng lahat and I probably won"t be used to it for a while. For one, a huge difference between nursing and medicine- ang mga breaktime. wala kaming recess (if you don"t count the 5-10 cr break), lunch lang. kaya sa mga 7-11 classes, sobrang hypogly ako- especially since I tend to skip breakfast.

chemistry. if there are any undergrads reading this who want to go to med school- nako, makinig sa biochem. dahil kung hindi, mag eepistaxis ka during the whole lecture. sumakit ang ulo ko sa chirality of carbs at ang tagal bago ko marecall, given that I had my last chem subject 4 years ago.

physiology. maligaya, magaling ang mga lecturers so far, pero grabe ang advance reading dapat. kung hindi, mawawala ka sa lecture. at wala kang masasagot sa SGD (small grou discussion) at sa quiz after the lec. thank goodness for the HO's. Prang first time ever na mapuyat ako kakabasa ng ho's during the first week ng classes.

anatomy. since team 1 ako, kasama kami sa na pasabak sa cadaver kanina. scalp and skull dissection. mula ngayon magdadala na ako ng alcohol or sterilium at plastic na lalagyan ng gown. akala ko nung una magvovomit ako or something. pero nung medyo 5 minutes na bigla akong nagcrave ng pizza. parang or nga lang, kaya lang medyo hindi humihinga yung tao. at buti na lang medyo pasensyosa si Dr. A at kahit hindi namin na identify yung isang structure, oks pa rin ang score namin. hehe. at sa mga nagiisip, hindi amoy mentos ang cadaver. sabi ng kateam ko, amoy cinammon daw. sosyal. (kumakapit sa uniform)

ethics. nawawala si father. walang klase.

clin ep/histo- tom pa. might update this na lang. sa mga ka rle ko dati, si Dra calimag ay nagtuturo ng clin ep. feeling ko makikilala niya si meeko.

keshia di ka nagpakita nung wed. T.T

nakita ko na si fred na nagtour ng freshmen (siguro para makahanap ng younger papa) at si egay na nakakalat sa 4th floor noon. hmm... kamusta na pala si joa, ok na ba siya egs?

at sa mga nagtatanong- meron nga akong classmates na pwede pero mas marami talaga sa higher year guys. at sa section ni carina. unfair unfair!!

well, be seeing you guys around!!! Miss you all!
(at feeling ko mas chubby ako when you see me again-)

Nakita ko kina carlo at patti, try nyo interesting, hehe. Mostly true.
www.handwritingwizard.com

Welcome Chu Chi, here is your handwriting analysis.

Yes, apparently I cannot stay away from my laptop aka internet for too long (48 hours is a record) and yes, I happened to get bored kaya kinalkal/bought ko na yung mga stuff that I need for doomsday.

1. mongol pencil number 2
    I have like 6 very very sharp pencils (na kabibili kasi someone ate all of my pencils. again.). Girlie if you are reading this I can practically *see* your eyes roll at this. Hello, first day three exams e sa tindi ko magshade I'll need at least 2 per exam. Better safe than sorry. And no, hindi ko napabasbasan. yet.baka sa thursday.

2. ballpen with BLACK ink only
    Nabbed my baby bro's pilot ordinary. 2 just in case maginarte yung isa. BALLPOINT.

3. one piece big brown envelope
    Just bought the ala cardboard type na stiff para hindi malukot ang mga abubot/papeles during exam day.  
    note: while making kalkal my notes during mam llanes' orientation, I saw a note na you have to write your name and seat no at the back of the aforementioned envelope. totoo ba to o nagiilusyon ako nung orientation from hunger?

4. one long transparent plastic envelope.
    na kapartner of said envelope. made sure na medyo makapal and walang hole anywhere.

5. CALCULATOR
    the super duper simple smaller than my palm sort sans scientific functions etc., yung tig 140/240 sa national bookstore. I didn't take chances with the ones binebenta kung san baka ma dead pa ang battery, dead din ako sa boards considering matagal akong magdivide at magmultiply.

6. PAPERS/FORMS
    a. notice of admission
        the blue form with your/my picture on it
    b. PRC official receipt
    c. the metered stamp envelope
         which I made sure was securely stapled. like thrice.
    d. community tax certificate
          hindi naman nakalagay sa requirements that you have to bring it during test day pero I            didn't remove it na baka kelangan eh- you know, stapled together.
    note: keep in mind na if you didn't remove the staple wire in the first place from PRC,          
    chances are wala ka ng problem just bring the bunch on sunday.
7. isang malaking bag ng candy (optional)
          am thinking I'll probably have a light breakfast kaya may dala akong simple sugar that I
    will stash in my pocket. sayang bawal drinks sa exam day. grrr.

8. Prayers.
          nuff said.

note: hindi talaga ko magdadala ng eraser to eliminate the possibility/temptation of erasing sa mismong answer sheet.

PS: have you guys seen/downloaded yung answer sheet ni mam cantuba? hindi kilala ng OS ki yung format (.xlsx). how did you guys open it? available sa site sa mga di nakakaalam.

May nakalimutan ba ko guys?????????????????????????????????????????????????

After months of waiting- the review for NMAT, the sangkaterbang requirements NSOs, transcripts and 90K (thank you God for my supportive parents), sa wakas I'm officially enrolled. Kinda makes me look back when I was seven and my tita asked me out of the blue what I wanted to be. Trying to remember professions I saw on tv and elsewhere I answered, "a doctor". I don't even remember why I said that- probably because of some altruistic reason na I can't remember anymore then fast forward 13 agonizing years later, here I am, checking out my schedule (class I-D, kamusta naman sa 7am-6pm na klase) and thinking there is no backing out now, no fallback despite what others might think. Like what Alex from Grey's Anatomy said, "for people like us (him and the novelist who ate his book and had to get it surgically removed and got Hg poisoning anyway), there IS NO PLAN B..." Hay..

I remember someone telling me a few years back that I wouldn't go into medicine, that I'll stick with nursing, go abroad and probably never come back. Apparently, you happened to guess incorrectly(again might I add but that's another story). If ever see you again (chances are slim to none), don't blame me if I suddenly brandish out my reg form (I dont hate you but meh).

Am psyched. Hehe.

I'm supposed to be reviewing dammit. Well I said that yesterday. And the day before that. And by golly wow, the day before that too. I mean, I only have 58 days left til the boards. I so want to study but blah, internet, tv, the evils of modern day living. Di bale, may bukas pa. Harhar.

Gelay ung a la creme kooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.

PuNice, you owe me a coffee date.I mean with your sweldo and your fantabulous job and stuff you can libre poor miserable broke moi. Promise di ako magpapaaadd ng cream. Or cheesecake or banoffee pie.

Mark. Magreply ka leche.

I'm such a loser for not having anything else to do as I wait for the whole family, and when I say whole I mean whole= parents+sibs thing that I am actually posting, har har (while D'sound is blasting in the background)

Well, tomorrow's the day, I'm finally graduating. Hay. Sa wakas.
I'm not going to be cheesy and say that I'm tearing up or something but it is kinda sad.

I'm still going to see some of my college friends until late May or early June (review haller) so I'm not going to make inarte and be a crybaby/pussy about not ever seeing them again.  And I'm probably not gonna see him ever again (hello, different course? pens and stets don't match dah-ling sabi nga nila). Leche.

I want to see him. For old time's sake.

ARGGG. Again leche, I really should stop watching reruns and looking at old pictures like I'm some old spinster. Hark!

There are a lot of things that I'll end up leaving behind and maybe it's the thought that makes me so sickeningly melancholic. And bored.

Gawd, only what three hours til they get here. That is if they don't end up buying dinner out.
Cold takeout againnn.. nooooo..

How the hell am I supposed to kill time??

People have got to find other ways to create noises in times of festivities- less smoky ones hopefully.

Anyways, 2007 has been a crazy unforgettable year, with me doing things/getting into situations- that I hope I'd never have to do/get into again. (letter writing aka catharsis trauma), stuff that I really really wanted which you know, became true in a twisted kinda way, eating  (yes, I have to mention this) stuff that I didn't even have the guts/interest to look twice at before, doing things that I usually wouldn't do (like cutting my hair really short for instance and staying out until 6AM).

And there are also the pluses and minuses in terms of relationships- new ones- friends, acquaintances I've made, deepening of already there relationships (rle 3, section 8)- friends and the severing of ties that I never really think would happen(bat minus blah) . Old friends turned not so friends anymore, and old feelings that were definitely way stronger before. I can't say I'm happy with every single thing/person I've gained and lost, but surely, definitely learned a lot. Apparently, 2007 was a learning year.

And there are also the beginnings and endings. Hopefully, the beginning of another school year for me next term (If I get accepted even if I botched the essay, unintentionally of course), the near ending of my senior year in nursing, and hopefully the beginning to actually want to begin again.

Which hopefully would last at least halfway into 08.

Well, only a few minutes til 2008.

Goodbye 2007, thnks fr th mmrs.:)

Happy Holidays everyone!!:)

July 7, 07
2:00pm

It was raining outside, I'm sitting in a cafe with two friends waiting for a third to deliver a heaven forsaken document so I can get bloody started on my part for the case presentation. I actually wanted to go home since 1pm but noooo, they had to drag me to pig out and wait for mister-im-always-late.. He'll be here in an hour, or so he said and it's fine. I've got a nice slice of cake and pineapple juice courtesy of Aya.


3:15pm
So he's late. He had always been late. For group meetings, for class, for deadlines. Always. And because I was bored out of mind I decide to for once, not wait. Also the fact that the rain turned into drizzle helped me to decide, there was no way in hell I can get home if the streets turned into seas of flood. Ew. So I left. I was going to nag him to kingdomcome on Monday, beware Meeko..

3:20pm
Im  Waiting in Dapitan for a jeepney ride home because the streets were wet and since I'm such a cat of a person, I preferred nice and dry thank you very much... And so I wait. A kid comes to me and asks for coins, my ride passes by and I was too busy talking to the kid to hail the vehicle that would be my salvation. Dang. To think that there weren't many jeepneys when it was raining like this.  Why can't I ever get home decently when I want to.

Psst.


Oh for heaven's sake, was the universe out to get me. Some guy, most likely an obnoxious, good for nothing person most likely perverted as well was trying to get my attention. Don't blame my overactive imagination, if you can't call me by name then you're a stranger.

Hui.

And I turned around, ready to give him a piece of my mind- which after 2 grueling seconds turned into mashed mush. He's the only person who can do this to me. I can recite diseases, body parts, scientific names, chemical formulas without batting an eyelash but well, when I see him, he does this sort of evil spell when I can't even think straight and most of my replies are in monosyllables which usually, don't make any sense.

Gawd, is this why  every single effort of mine to get home has been jinxed since lunch time?

Screw you universe.

And I decide to smile. Because though I wanted to be poker faced my facial nerve just can't help it. Stupid body. And he smiles back. We say our hellos, like two normal people who know each other who ran into each other in the middle of a drizzle. He asks me where I'm headed and I respond back to my dorm(correctly this time, last time he asked, I forgot where I lived and incidentally gave the wrong street) and he says he's going home too, only in Olongapo, he's just going to pick some stuff he left in his dormitory.

He asks if going back home too for the weekend, and this miniscule of hope lights up, that maybe he wants me to go home too so we can be together. But my mouth runs of faster than my mind so I say no. 

He tells me how he is again and I suddenly remember to ask, finally if he knows one of my friends who shifted to journalism. He asks if the guy was a bit soft and nods. I wanted to scream. There was a way now. Finally.

He glances at all the books I was carrying and mentions that I still carry a lot of stuff me, like how I was when were in high school. 

"You haven't changed one bit."

And I don't know if that was about the books, or him knowing exactly what I was thinking at that moment. I wanted to ask if he was still with the girl he replaced me with after our hideous break-up, I wanted to ask for his number, anything, anything solid that would ensure that I see him again and hopefully say all things I wanted, everything I've kept bottled for the last six years in his face. He reaches out to pat me on the head like he always did and I wanted, more than ever to cry.

"You too, you didn't change..."

It was a wishful thought in my part because I didn't want him to. I wanted him to be how I knew him before. The guy who courted me for three years, became my boyfriend for two weeks. The guy who sneaked us out of a convention because I was bored as hell and he wanted to give me something again.

I wanted him to be still the guy I loved and the guy who loved me back.

"Yeah.. Some things never change.."

I can feel the back of my eyes sting. Hell, I cannot cry right now. I have a million things to ask and I really wanted to stay with him but I cant cry. I just cant. So I look at the passing vehicles, hoping for the ride I missed earlier, or one to run me over to save me the embarassment. I wanted everything he said to mean something deeper..

"So.. what sort of jeep are you waiting for?"

I look frantically and point to one which to my relief, stopped immediately.

I said goodbye as fast as I could, and smiled bitterly and went away. I didn't even look back.

So I didn't tell him everything I wanted to, even if I promised before that I would, when I regretted the same thing when I saw him last January. Im crying. In a jeepney. A public vehicle with people. Im so pathetic.

And I realize, at that moment, I have never really moved on. So that's the reason why no matter how close another guy gets to being another boyfriend, something always stops me. That's it. Bingo. Why I always run off, bringing the finish line with me whenever someone is about to claim victory.

There is finally a way between us. So what now?

What do I do now?

And still not scanlated! Whatever, let's see if my come hither translating skills could be put to use!


Ouran High School Host Club's chapter 51 has been uploaded by the beloved krysuy!!
thoughts: 
Well I didn't see it coming. After reading bagsybabe's chapter 50 (girl you rock!) which ended with a bang!!!! As Kaoru had non so discretely pointed out that Hikaru's feelings for Haruhi were not just like, but rather he likes her as a woman. Yes, I nearly died of a heart attack then (because I didnt think Hikaru-kun would find out that way. Sheesh.)

 Chapter 51 picks up where 50 left off, the twins sought advice from Mori and Hunny, separately of course. And after seeing how Kaoru looks at Haruhi, Hikaru realizes that Kaoru likes her as well. I liked the part that Kaoru didnt just 'walk away' from it. In one of the previous chapters I remember Kaoru giving the last cookie to Hikaru even if he hasn't eaten one yet. I thought it could have been the same only this time cookie=Haruhi. Well it couldn't be helped as they both tend to like the same things. And with Tamaki liking the same 'thing' though not being as aware of his own feelings compare to the twins..


It looks like the clock is about to strike 12 
and the carriage, as Kaoru had mentioned in the anime,
is about to turn back into a yucky pumpkin.


For downloads please go to ouran.krysuy.net